Five Worst Albums of the 2000s. Number Five

8 Feb

So here I am sitting in possibly the most boring class ever in the history of any college course, I mean “Chartists are people who spend their lives studying charts”, no shit Sherlock. Anyway I thought to myself, what could possibly be worse than this class and you know what five albums came to mind, all from the last decade so guess what it’s time for my five worst albums of the 2000s!

Now part of me wants to give the number one and two on this list to the one and only Lady Gaga, because anyone who knows me knows I despise her to no end; I still maintain that I am the last sane person on this planet but alas even I must concede there is in fact far worse music than her…well that sent a shiver down my spine; so without further insulting of Miss Gaga or Gag as Ashley calls her, let’s get the list started, with my number five LOL!

5. Blog 27 – LOL

What a charming album cover, isn’t it great when young barely teenage girls with a poor grasp of English named after “cool” stuff of the 00s (Blog, LOL, heck I’m sure even 27 means something) make an album? Well it certainly is great…in a way, actually it’s in a very specific way, it is in fact the greatest rip off of popular music ever made. If you want me to sum up LOL in one sentence here it is
A rip-off and/or tribute to everything that is wrong with pop music…seriously go listen to Backstreet Boys or Britney or something, you’d be better off
Did I just seriously recommend you listen to Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears? Damn I did…but I stand by that heck listen to Gaga over this if you want, she’ll probably sound original for the first time ever.

Anyway I should at least talk about the actual album a little, really you should all listen to this, you’d be in for a real treat if you did but I suppose you’re all probably too busy having lives or enjoying music that’s well…decent, so I guess it’s my job to suffer for y’all

The album kicks off with “Hey Boy (Get Your Ass Up)”…yes that is seriously the title of the song, and these girls are barely teens so it’s creepy that they steal song titles from the Pussycat Dolls. Powering along with an unimaginative danceable beat ala Gaga albeit with worse lyrics…and I thought that would be an oxymoron! At times there’s a hint of a strong melody and the song even ends with an amazingly deep “Dah da dah” bit, hell these girls were doing Gaga before Gaga.

“Uh La La La” comes next and the album continues to rip off shamelessly every pop song in existence, how is this fair if I do this in college I’d be expelled and get a zero, if these girls do it they get a record deal what the hell is wrong with this world? Overall the song isn’t awful, except the rap…who told these girls they can rap? This is ear rape, even Jedward rap better than this. Next up is the Grrl Punk wannabe title “I Want What I Want”, except sadly there is no punk, actually it’s kind of trippy, if by trippy you mean the same five seconds of music for three minutes. And these girls can’t seem to make up their mind if they’re rapping or singing…actually they honestly can’t do either.

“Wid Out Ya” like omgz dey cant spelz there awezome now! Or in other words, one of the worst ever attempts to “rawk” that I have ever heard, and guess what they stole another melody for their chorus, these clever girls knowing that life is always easier if you just rip people off. “I Still Don’t Know Ya” comes next, and the fact that these girls got a record deal just serves to show that no one in Poland has apparently ever heard Western Music before, seeing as yet another song on this album is a cliché melody of something we’ve all heard on the radio a billion times, who would buy this? Either way this album is indeed LOL. “Destiny”, note to self, steal a hook of a song for a verse, steal another unrelated hook for a chorus, go to Poland and profit.

In case you’re actually still listening to this album, the girls decide that it’s time to introduce themselves in the LOL worthy title of “Turn You On To Music”, hopefully they’re being sarcastic because really they’ve probably made the Polish hate pop music forever with this. “Stay Out of My Way” without having a single note from either a Backstreet Boys or a Britney song, somehow manages to sound like a mash up between the two and now we know why they never dueted, but hey Shaggs inspired guitar solo maybe it could possibly go on for the rest of the album…”Life Like This” comes next and finally the girls bring the big 00s cliché they’ve been neglecting…EMO!, you know what this song deserves a cliché description…EPIC PHAIL!

The only thing one can say about “I’m Callin’ U” is that I’m hanging up on you; amn’t I clever? I feel with my witty remarks I am well capable of writing a Polish pop album! Next up is “Generation (B27)” apparently these girls have inspired a generation with their music…I’m not sure if Poland is having any problems right now but if they are I think we just found the source. Fortunately this is probably the best song on the album or maybe I’m just thankful they’re at least making an attempt at being upbeat. “Who I Am” closes the album and guess what…it’s a ballad, a ballad closing a pop album are these girls mad? It’s also a song preteen girls across the world will be crying their hearts out to tonight, that’s if their parents don’t let them hear something more original like Miley Cyrus or something.

So that’s it, that is the fifth worst album of the decade, if you ever do want to liste to it I recommend you save yourself some time and listen to some 13 year old girls sing along to the radio, it’ll sound the exact same

3 Responses to “Five Worst Albums of the 2000s. Number Five”

  1. Sam W. 09/02/2010 at 16:54 #

    Here’s my vote for worst band of the decade: brokencyde.
    Listen at your own risk.

    • John 11/02/2010 at 15:18 #

      Oh trust me, we have some Brokencyde on this list, a lot of them 😉

  2. Axver 18/02/2010 at 14:04 #

    Have you endured Dot Dot Curve’s Your Ears Will Bleeping Bleed yet? If not, don’t, but put it #1 anyway.

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